The incident between Chris Brown and Rihanna is disturbing on many levels but largely because they are glorifying an abusive relationship. Chris Brown repeatedly punched Rihanna in the face, left her bloody and bruised, and yet--to the public's eye--refuse to address the issues. The couple is back together and the violence WILL continue. The severity of this beating shows it has been violent in the past. But Rihanna will play martyr ("I can fix him! I can love him more!") and abused girls and women everywhere will look at her and say, "Wow, she won't even leave with all her resources--what chance do I have with nothing."
While both Chris Brown and Rihanna may not have chosen to be role-models and they probably do not want that responsibility, their career choices place them firmly in front of the eyes of children, teenagers and young adults. Neither of them are expected to stand in front of cameras and air their dirty laundry in a neat after-school special kind of way. We do not need to see Rihanna crying on 20/20 to understand she is a battered woman but both of them need to let the public know they are getting help--separately.
But that doesn't happen in our society of putting on Perfect Shows--Chris Brown is just misunderstood, Rihanna will "do what the law requires of her" during her day in court and thousands of battered girls and women will silently wonder, "What choice do I have now? Where is my martyr?"
I encourage everyone to read
Nickelodeon Thinks Using Your Fists Makes You Cool from
Deep South Moms and think about the messages our society sends our children.
Martyring Abuse--Not Cool
The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards
